Normality becomes insanity

sometimes i wish i could give up on my life. my life is monochromatic,just black and white. no addition of new,fresh color,just a slight grey here and there. bumpy road of life. sharp thorns poking on my feet. the heat scorches me. the rain wash me away...away from being sane.

when i cried,nobody here to persuade me. to whisper "it's gonna be OK". am i that ignorant or people isolated me because of my bizarre habit? i can't be like a normal person.i am who i am.not a copycat,backstabber or perfection-seeker.is there any place in this damned world that i can fit in?

i take my life for granted. good chances are displayed in front of me and i simply ignore it. i want to enjoy my life,slowly and cherish the moments. i hate it when people put burden on my shoulders. it's hard when people expect me to accomplish something that beyond my abilities. i have own life to live,but it feels like i've been cursed  bound to do what people forced me to do. and the choice to say "NO" wasn't on my side.

a lot of thing happened to me and out of nowhere,people asked how i'm handling my problems. they thought i'm superb without knowing that i sobbed alone. and here,while i'm typing this entry,my tears sprang.although i look like a tough nut,but inside i'm just drowning,feeling weak. unable to lead my life perfectly.i'm breakable,though.i could shattered just in one blow.

why do i have to feel like this? it's painful,as hell.